So true...01:44 Nov 24 2007
Times Read: 491
The Cat Rules
Only the CAT knows all THE RULES.
The CAT may change some or all of THE RULES at any time, with no advance warning.
No HUMAN can know all THE RULES.
The HUMAN may think he/she is getting to know some of THE RULES, at which point the CAT must change one or more of them immediately.
Under NO circumstances may the HUMAN laugh at anything the CAT does, even something as absurd and undignified as falling off the back of the sofa when asleep.
In such an unlikely eventuality the CAT must give the HUMAN a withering look, and start to wash vigorously, making it quite clear that that was exactly what the CAT intended to do.
The CAT wants feeding when it is ready for food.
Any delay by the HUMAN will result in the CAT's back being turned, and a haughty walk away from the bowl when food is eventually put in it.
The same goes for strokes, cuddles, being picked up, or the provision of a lap to sit on.
The CAT will never eat the same amount of food at consecutive meals.
If breakfast disappears, dinner, even if exactly the same, will be simply nibbled at.
If the HUMAN thinks this at all likely, the CAT will devour every last morsel in the bowl.
The CAT will demand to be let out when weather conditions are least what the HUMAN expects the cat to enjoy.
If the CAT is out in torrential rain or snow, and the HUMAN calls it in for its own comfort, the CAT will find a cosy niche and wait for the weather to clear.
If the HUMAN considers the CAT at all likely to do this, the CAT will sit outside the back door, wailing piteously to be let back in.
However clement the weather, the CAT will always come in with wet or muddy feet.
The CAT always wants to bring its prey in to the house.
If the HUMAN chastises the CAT for this, the CAT will desist from catching prey until five minutes after the HUMAN has convinced him/herself that the chastisement worked, and that the CAT has learned its lesson.
The CAT will always wait until just after the HUMAN has cleaned out the litter tray before emitting waste substances so smelly that even the CAT runs away.
Any attempt by the HUMAN to document the RULES will result in bodily harm just short of rendering the HUMAN incapable of feeding and petting the CAT
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